Maybe I Deserve This
At the risk of being melodramatic, my life has been a Greek tragedy. Or maybe a comedy. I haven't yet decided which. My life experience has been replete with excruciating tragedies, missed opportunities and major disappointments. I'm not trying to elicit sympathy, here; I'm just stating a relative fact. So, in some strange, dark way, maybe I asked for it. HIV, that is.
In fact, sometime in the Spring of 2002, I remember running out in the countryside, convulsively crying because of the utter collapse of my so-called life. As I ran along the picturesque country roads near my home, I called out to God and asked him to take me home. So, as the 20-month layoff reached its peak, with my house under foreclosure, with the first vehicle having been repossessed, with the epileptic seizures of a son who barely survived a bout with cancer, and with my repressed homosexuality trying desperately to assert itself, I had had enough. And that's not the half of it. Having lost my young mother to cancer, having endured a chaotic and sometimes violent childhood home, having been torn to shreds by careless and cruel peers, having put my faith in God to "heal" my homosexuality, I somehow thought that I had reached my quota of life's tragedies. How wrong I was.
So, when I asked God to take me home, I guess I had in mind a sudden flash of lighting, a speeding freight train, or a freakishly sudden aneurism. You know, quick, painless, sudden death. Instead, he answered my prayer by allowing me to become infected by HIV.
That was over three years ago. I've done a fair amount of growing up, since then. I've been through a nasty divorce, but I have also found redemption in a loving partner, my wonderful children, a new puppy and a modest new home. Another beacon of light is my Naturopath and friend, Meridian Grace. Since day one of my diagnosis, Meridian has been quick to provide alternative therapies that, to this day, have helped to keep my relatively asymptomatic. Yet, part of me has always known that, at the very core of my molecular being, a ticking time bomb silently keeps time.
Fast-forward to about a week ago when I received an excited phone call from Meridian telling me about this incredible, new-to-the-US, alternative therapy called AIM: Advanced Immune Modulator. She told me about physicians in Mexico and other countries who had done some amazing research, and had found that, "certain animals produced bio-regulatory proteins that successfully mediated" cytokine receptor events -- a major component of how HIV takes hold of one's T-Cells and immune system. AIM is the by-product of their research.
Starting next week, I will begin AIM therapy. My hope is that this new blog will serve as your guidebook to my experiences with this therapy. Whether good, bad or indifferent, I will tell it like it is. Although I am cautiously hopeful, I also know better than to get my hopes up too high.
A note to those that automatically assume that, "there are no alternative therapies or cures for HIV:" Please understand that I respect your views, but I kindly but firmly ask that you refrain from making negative, anti-alternative-medicine posts, here.
I look forward to sharing the milestones of my journey with you. Your prayers I do covet.
*Edit: Sept. 6, 2006: Toned down the tragic tone because I ultimately want to convey a positive, hopeful message.
In fact, sometime in the Spring of 2002, I remember running out in the countryside, convulsively crying because of the utter collapse of my so-called life. As I ran along the picturesque country roads near my home, I called out to God and asked him to take me home. So, as the 20-month layoff reached its peak, with my house under foreclosure, with the first vehicle having been repossessed, with the epileptic seizures of a son who barely survived a bout with cancer, and with my repressed homosexuality trying desperately to assert itself, I had had enough. And that's not the half of it. Having lost my young mother to cancer, having endured a chaotic and sometimes violent childhood home, having been torn to shreds by careless and cruel peers, having put my faith in God to "heal" my homosexuality, I somehow thought that I had reached my quota of life's tragedies. How wrong I was.
So, when I asked God to take me home, I guess I had in mind a sudden flash of lighting, a speeding freight train, or a freakishly sudden aneurism. You know, quick, painless, sudden death. Instead, he answered my prayer by allowing me to become infected by HIV.
That was over three years ago. I've done a fair amount of growing up, since then. I've been through a nasty divorce, but I have also found redemption in a loving partner, my wonderful children, a new puppy and a modest new home. Another beacon of light is my Naturopath and friend, Meridian Grace. Since day one of my diagnosis, Meridian has been quick to provide alternative therapies that, to this day, have helped to keep my relatively asymptomatic. Yet, part of me has always known that, at the very core of my molecular being, a ticking time bomb silently keeps time.
Fast-forward to about a week ago when I received an excited phone call from Meridian telling me about this incredible, new-to-the-US, alternative therapy called AIM: Advanced Immune Modulator. She told me about physicians in Mexico and other countries who had done some amazing research, and had found that, "certain animals produced bio-regulatory proteins that successfully mediated" cytokine receptor events -- a major component of how HIV takes hold of one's T-Cells and immune system. AIM is the by-product of their research.
Starting next week, I will begin AIM therapy. My hope is that this new blog will serve as your guidebook to my experiences with this therapy. Whether good, bad or indifferent, I will tell it like it is. Although I am cautiously hopeful, I also know better than to get my hopes up too high.
A note to those that automatically assume that, "there are no alternative therapies or cures for HIV:" Please understand that I respect your views, but I kindly but firmly ask that you refrain from making negative, anti-alternative-medicine posts, here.
I look forward to sharing the milestones of my journey with you. Your prayers I do covet.
*Edit: Sept. 6, 2006: Toned down the tragic tone because I ultimately want to convey a positive, hopeful message.
posted by AIM Guinea Pig at 10:12 PM
1 Comments:
Well, good luck on your search and maybe you'll find a way tu cure somethingthat has been infecing the lifes of a lot of people and has made them suffer greatly. Fare you well and may the answer to the sickness find you and may you have the grace to helo others as well :D
Cheer up!!!! you are about to get to ajourney to new fronteers :D
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